Humourous · Page 3

Today I went to my ladies' club
There was so much noise and chatter
You couldn't hear yourself think
But it didn't really matter

The friendship is what I go for
The gossip and the fun
The Bingo and the speakers
A warm welcome from everyone

There's a lady in our street
She's a bit of a la di da
She drives an enormous Rolls Royce
We have an everyday car

She drives down the road
With her nose in the air
She thinks we are jealous
But we really don't care

I waited ages for the bus
Is that anything new?
I waited nearly half an hour
Then guess what? Along came two!

A birthday is a special day,
A time for joy I hear them say.
But when someone is as old as you,
It kinda makes you feel quite blue.

Have a hilarious Birthday

A fish swam into a bar one night,
Under the moon's soft, glowing light.
The bartender gazed, quite filled with wonder,
"How did you arrive here, from the sea yonder?"

"Just following the current," the fish did reply,
With a flick of its tail and a twinkle in its eye.
"Heard it's eel-ectric tonight, in this fine place,
I couldn't resist; I had to see such grace."

So here's to adventures, wherever they lead,
In rivers, in oceans, or where currents concede.
May your journey be as bright as the sea is wide,
With happiness and laughter always by your side.

I love my little hoover,
I use it every day.
There's nowhere in the house
That dust can hide away.
I use it in the bathroom, the kitchen and the hall,
It's like a dancing partner
As we waltz around it all.
I really don't like leaving it
When we go away,
I hope it won't be sulking
In it's little hideaway.
I know it will be lonely,
I'll miss it very much,
But maybe I can send a postcard,
Just to keep in touch!

Happy Trick or Treating bags a plenty
Is what you need when the knock on the door
Means there are strange and Scarey
Creatures, Hobgoblins and Ghosts
With Snakes and Lizards and maybe Spiders too
And unless you have the Trick or Treat ready
They have come to SCARE just YOU

On your Birthday,
Isolation is not the best way to celebrate,
Take comfort in the fact
You get to eat more of your cake !

Happy Birthday

Sue and Jill went up the hill
To get some card and paper
They were going to make some cards
When they got home much later
Jill was in a hurry
She was full of laughter
Then she slipped on a banana skin
And Sue went tumbling after

Another lighted candle,
Another slice of cake,
How quickly these birthdays come around,
Tell me where I can find the brake?

Someone I know likes a glass or two
When beer and whiskey come calling
But he doesn't know when to stop
Then wonders why he keeps falling
He tells me he enjoys a drink
To tell the truth, I do too
But it does make me stop and think
Why can't he have just a few
CHEERS - HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Best wishes to my husband
My mate who's going to pot
I love the way your hair is grey
With a bald spot on the top
I love all your wrinkles
Your saggy bum and belly
The way you sprawl and squint
As you try to see the telly
But we have been together now
For ever and a day
You are still my dear ol' mate
And I wouldn't change you in any way

Have you always looked this young?
Or is it just an annoying habit
you've picked up in your old age?

Happy Birthday

I was tempted
to buy you one of
those "new age"
birthday cards...
...but for you,
an "old age" card
seemed more
appropriate.

Happy Birthday

I may be last, but I'm closest to the finish line!

If you want to play the Bingo
You have got to learn the lingo
And it's not very funny
When you don't win the money
SO WHEN ARE MY NUMBERS GOING TO COME OUT?

Row, row, row your boat,
Gently over the sea,
If you row much harder,
Well be home in time for tea.

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow,
She washed it each day in soap powder,
I just thought you would like to know,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To get a pail of water,
Jack had a twinkle in his eye,
And Jill wondered whether she oughta

Noses are red
Violence is black & blue
This plank is thick
and so are you

Hope it has all of it's flippers and tentacles!

Your bus is at the bus stop
You need to cross the road
But the drivers won't stop for you
As you stand with your heavy load
At last a vehicle slows down
It's a man with a white van
The bus driver sees and waits for you
As you blow a kiss to the white van man

Scissors, glue and foam pads too,
card blanks, stamps and ink,
is everything a crafter needs,
plus chocolate, to help her think.

When you are watching the TV sometimes
Programmes you love with your heart and soul
Then on comes the advertisements
And you reach for your remote control

The ads drive you mad on occasions
All you want is your beloved show
The show's only on for a minute or two
Then the ads are back row upon row