Card Verses in Humourous · Humourous

Women don't ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

Women don't make fools of men? most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

When I ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

When I married Mr Right I didn't know his first name was Always.

When God ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

When God said 'Let there be man', she was only joking.

When God ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

When God made men, she made a mistake.

To be ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

To be old and wise, first you must be young and stupid.

There are ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

There are a lot of words you can use to describe men? strong, caring, loving, they'd be wrong but you could still use them.

The woman's work ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

The woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.

The best ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason? you're sick of him.

Never make ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

Never make the same mistake twice or you?ll never get around to all of them.

Men designed ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

Men designed everything. That's why the whole world's a mess.

'Men at work' ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

'Men at work'? men have to put up signs, woman just get on with it.

Men are like ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

Men are like blenders? need one, but don't know why.

Insanity is ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

Insanity is hereditary? you get it from your children.

I like ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

I like housework ? I could sit and look at it for hours.

I can ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

I can only please one person per day and today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either.

I am ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

I am not completely worthless. I can always serve as a bad example.

Sometimes ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

Scientiest have ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men - a woman.

Off all the ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

Off all the things I've lost, I miss my marbles the most.

Grant me ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

Grant me patience, Lord, but please hurry.

Don't question ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

Don't question your wife's judgement - just look at who she married.

Dear Lord, so far today ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

Dear Lord, so far today I'm doing OK. I haven't gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or self-indulgent. I haven't whined, complained, cursed or eaten any chocolate. But I'll be getting out off bed in a minute, I think I'll really need your help then.

Creating man ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

Creating man was nature's big joke ???. and to have someone who laughs over it, they created woman.

Behind every ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

Behind every successful man there stands an astonished woman.

Cat by Amy Perry

A little kitten with a little black nose
a fluffy tail and little toes
a little kitten you will forever hold in your heart
and you will never forget the smell of its fart!

70 Today by Carol Sear

You are 70 today....

but I bet you can still do everything
you did when........

You were 69

Have a Fantastic Birthday

5 rules by Jean-Marie Penny

On your birthday remember these 5 rules:

1. Go to the pub.
2. Drink too much.
3. Remember nothing.
4. Deny everything.
5. Look forward to doing it again next year!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

A Man At Forty by Belinda Ellingham

So now your Forty, don't we know it
Mid-Life Crisis, Wanting flash cars,
Childlike tantrums, Wanting your way
No-one's right except you.

So now your Forty, the man from Mars has arrived!

cherries are red by Jan Barcelo

cherries are red
beets are too
i heard everything you said
but thats nothing new

welcome to walmarts by Jan Barcelo

welcome to walmarts
that's what they say
so get you a cart
and be on your way

roses are pink by Jan Barcelo

roses are pink
tulips are red
so you better not wink
or you may need a drink

roses are red by Jan Barcelo

roses are red
violets are blue
get out of bed
before i hit you

knock,knock, knock by Jan Barcelo

knock,knock, knock
come on in
excuss my dust bunnies
but this is their scene

Happy Birthday by Margaret Jones

I tried to write a poem
To put inside this card
But words just wouldn't come to me
It really was quite hard
I thought and thought and thought some more
For something clever to say
But all I finally came up with
Was "Have a Wonderful Day!"

Happy Birthday to You!

Washing Day by Margaret Jones

Rose`s are red
Violet`s are grey
I saw them on
the clothesline today

Let's Go Out by Margaret Jones

Roses are red
Tulips are too
Let's go paint the town
Red, white and blue!

Ladies Day Out by Margaret Jones

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Let's go out shopping
And have some lunch too.

Mama needs new shoes by Margaret Jones

Roses are red
Violets are blue
It's time for new shoes
And a new handbag too!

Passion by Sue Cumming

I know it's old fashioned
But I love you with a passion.
I do it so very often -
It's a good job it's not rationed!

As the Years Roll By by Sue Cumming

Another birthday looms
Another birthday nears
And when the clock strikes midnight
Add one to your waist and years!

Cherries are red by Jan Barcelo

Cherries are red
blueberries are blue
please go to bed
before i hit you with my shoe

Pears are sweet by Jan Barcelo

Pears are sweet
lemons are sour
you're so neat
that i love you more every hour

Apple are Green by Jan Barcelo

Apple are Green
roses are pink
your so mean
that you really do stink

The farmer in the Dell by Jan Barcelo

The farmer in the Dell
had a big wife
and one day she fell
and oh did the farmer yell

White is white by Jan Barcelo

White is white
black is black
you think your right
so i have your back

Lemons are yellow by Jan Barcelo

Lemons are yellow
limes are green
i want to say hello
before i was seen

Beauty and the beast by Jan Barcelo

Beauty and the beast
that is what we are call
when ever we have a feast
so let's have a ball

Dinner's at eight by Jan Barcelo

Dinner's at eight
so don't be late
and if you are
just go back to the bar

Apples are red by Jan Barcelo

Apples are red
some are green
when we wed
we were so lean

Lemons are tart by Jan Barcelo

Lemons are tart
strawberries are sweet
you think you're so smart
you're shoes are on the wrong feet

I am a baker by Jan Barcelo

I am a baker
i love to bake cakes
and anything that batter can make
with a lot of love thats what it takes

I am a Homemaker by Jan Barcelo

I am a Homemaker
that's what my husband said
so i am baking him a cake
and handing him my bill to be paid

apples are red by Jan Barcelo

apples are red
some are green
we will wed
when you're not so mean

some people are great by Jan Barcelo

some people are great
some are very good
so you just wait
till you see my mood

Some beds are soft by Jan Barcelo

Some beds are soft
some are very hard
take care of your cough
and stay out of the yard

Puppies are cute by Jan Barcelo

Puppies are cute
kittens are too
if you move i will shoot
then let's see what you'll do

Spring is blooming by Jan Barcelo

Spring is blooming
fall is turning gold
everything is blooming
that's what we were told

Mustard is yellow by Jan Barcelo

Mustard is yellow
ketchup is red
your a very sick fellow
so get back into bed

Chili pepper are hot by Jan Barcelo

Chili pepper are hot
ice is cold
everything is going to pot
are that's what i been told

Denim is blue by Jan Barcelo

Denim is blue
sand is tan
i love you too
now put a ring on my hand

Roses are pink by Jan Barcelo

Roses are pink
some are red
you really do stink
i think you're dead

you are so bad by Jan Barcelo

you are so bad
and i am so good
i am so glad
i don't live in your neighborhood

Celery is green by Jan Barcelo

Celery is green
beets are red
you're so lean
that you need to be feed

Happy birthday brother by Sally McIntyre

Happy Birthday Brother of mine,
Our bodies are testing the rigors of time,
remember when all was thin trim and taut,and our memory was active and witty and smart.
Its all down hill from here,I just want to say. make it a great day

and have a happy Birthday,
Love you Bro

Happy Birthday sister of mine by Sally McIntyre

Happy Birthday sister of mine,
Our bodies are testing the rigors of time,
remember when all was thin trim and taut,and our memory was active and witty and smart.
Its all down hill from here,I just want to say. make it a great day

and have a happy Birthday,
Love you Sis

Happy Birthday uncle of mine, by Sally McIntyre

Happy Birthday uncle of mine,
Our bodies are testing the rigors of time,
remember when all was thin trim and taut,and our memory was active and witty and smart.
Its all down hill from here,I just want to say. make it a great day
and have a happy Birthday,

Happy Birthday aunty by Sally McIntyre

HappyBirthday Aunty of of mine,
Our bodies are testing the rigors of time,
remember when all was thin trim and taut,and our memory was active and witty and smart.
Its all down hill from here,I just want to say
have a magic and happy Birthday,

Bithday 51 years girlfriend by Sally McIntyre

Happy 51st to a girlfriend of mine,
Our bodies are testing the rigors of time,
remember when all was thin trim and taut,and our memory was active and witty and smart.
Its all down hill from here,I just want to say
have a happy 51st Birthday

Happy Birthday Mate. by Susan Powell-Barton

You remind me of my favourit chocolates. Firm on the outside,
soft on the inside
AND that is just your HEAD.

Smile 2 by Susan Powell-Barton

You are only as old as you feel so
keep smiling dear and I will be by later to help you repair the damage.

Smile by Susan Powell-Barton

You are only as old as you feel,so, keep a smile on your face.
Ignor the rude remarks.

Beets are red by Jan Barcelo

Beets are red
tomatoes are too
you think you're ahead
but really you're in the loo

Lemons are yellow by Jan Barcelo

Lemons are yellow
grapes are red
you are so mellow
i thought you were dead

a poem a day by Jan Barcelo

a poem a day
will keep bordom away

Chili pepper are hot by Jan Barcelo

Chili pepper are hot
beets are sweet
when you were a little tot
you were quick on your feet

Cherries are red by Jan Barcelo

Cherries are red
apples are green
i wish you would just leave
because you're so mean

You are so bad by Jan Barcelo

You are so bad
that weeping willows cry
when you walk by

Daisy's are White by Jan Barcelo

Daisy's are White
pansies are pink
you think you a knight
but really your a fink

Sorry you are down by Jan Barcelo

Sorry you are down
in the Dumps
but sents you're there
look for my pumps

Today we are going to Springfield by Jan Barcelo

Today we are going to Springfield
we're going to spring for the bed
and feel for the covers

How old are you ? by Jan Barcelo

How old are you ?
i wonder if you know
but don't feel blue
if and when you do

U.O.I (I.O.U. in reverse) by Margaret Jones

Dear Son/Daughter
All you are today, you owe to your parents
Love Mum & Dad
(P.S. the bill is in the mail!)

Grandchildren by Margaret Jones

Grandchildren are grandparents' way of getting their own back on their kids.

Summer is just around the corner by Jan Barcelo

Summer is just around the corner
so it's time to diet
and get a lot toner
i bet you will like it

They say a way to a man's heart by Jan Barcelo

They say a way to a man's heart
is though his stomach
so when you get married
fix him a pop tart

When you were little by Jan Barcelo

When you were little
you were so ugly
that your mom had to
tie a bone around your neck
to get the dog to play with you

I'm a little tea pot by Jan Barcelo

I'm a little tea pot
i'm short and fat
so tip me over
and see what comes out

i love to decoupage by Jan Barcelo

i love to decoupage
so if you come over
please don't be still
or you may be decoupage too

You're not fat by Jan Barcelo

You're not fat
they say you're fluffy
i hope you don't
believe all this crap

To Whom It May Concern by Sue Cumming

Better to be an old sod
than 'under the sod!'

I'm a little Card Maker by Jan Barcelo

I'm a little Card Maker
yes i am
making my sheets
as fast as i can

3 little frogs by Jan Barcelo

3 little frogs crocking in a pond
two went right
but one went wrong
now that little froggy is gone

The Secret by Sue Cumming

"Where have you been hiding all my life" he smarmed
"If I told you" she replied smiling sweetly, "I'd have to find a new hiding place."

Jack & jill Went up the Hill by Jan Barcelo

jack & jill went up the hill
they say to get some water
but nine months later came little bill
so next time just be a little smarter

1 Potato, 2 potato ,3 potato 4 by Jan Barcelo

1 potato,2 potato,3 potato,4
i would love to marry you
but you're to poor

Roses are Yellow by Jan Barcelo

roses are yellow
pansies are pink
your that fellow
thats a rotten fink

They Say that Beauty is only Skin Deep by Jan Barcelo

They Say that Beauty is only Skin Deep
but baby you're ugly to the bone
i don't think at closing time
anybody will want to take you home

The Ceremony by Sue Cumming

Here comes the bride
There goes the groom...

Birthday Cake! by Margaret Jones

Be carefull with that birthday cake
That tastes good on your lips
Remember that it might just land
And settle on your hips!

Happy Birthday!

Short of cash by Margaret Jones

Money is short
Times are hard
All I can afford
Is this little card

Hope you have a Happy Birthday, anyway!

I'm broke! by Margaret Jones

I wanted to buy you a present
But times are really hard
So I hope that you won't mind
If all I get you is this card

Happy Birthday. by Susan Powell-Barton

Bet when you look in the mirror
You don't look a day older.
Don't worry, your age will catch up to your face eventually.
Happy Birthday

Get Well. by Susan Powell-Barton

I heard you are feeling ill.
That really is a drag.
Bet its only a minor chill.
Get out the "sicky bag"
Get Well Soon.

oh ham ! by Jan Barcelo

oh ham !
i really have missed you !

Grandchildren by Margaret Jones

Spoiling the grandchildren is a way to get your own back on your kids.

Staying Power of Friendship by Jolis DeAngelis

outside:
As friends go, you...

inside:
...don't

Advice to a Teenager by Margaret Jones

Confucius Say...

"Every teenager should get a high school education. Even if they already know everything."

Happy Birthday, Teenager!

Divorce 2 - Confucius Say . . . by Margaret Jones

As you start a new life after your divorce, remember . . .

Confucius say, ?If woman meets a man who thinks he's God's gift, she should exchange him.?

Happy Birthday Friend - Confucius Say . . . by Margaret Jones

As Confucius say: A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.

Happy Birthday to my Dearest Friend

Cash Enclosed by Margaret Jones

I knew it would soon be your birthday
So I thought to the shops I would dash
It's a bit of a bother
And I knew you would rather
Have money; enclosed please find cash!

Buy something nice and have a Happy Birthday!

To my Valentine by Margaret Jones

As the ball of wool said to its sweetheart,
?I yarn for you!?
Happy Valentine?s Day, Sweetie

Happy Birthday to the World's Greatest Fisherman by Margaret Jones

To a Fisherman on his Birthday

If you?re ANGLING for compliments, may I say,
?To the World?s Greatest Fisherman,
I FISH you a very Happy Birthday!?

Over the hill - retirement! by Jane Wells

This is your time,
To do as you please,
No 9 - 5 worksheet,
It's your moment to seize!
So pick up those slippers,
And sit down and chill
For retirement now beckons,
You're *over the hill*!!!

Only Sixty? by Marion Evans

You're only "Sixty"?
Please don't fret!
As the years go by,
The older you get!

Celebrate big-time,
Kick up your heels,
but only as high...
As your body feels.

Wear hats and blow horns,
Eat cake .... have a drink,
Don't just sit back...
It's later than you think.

Enjoy your special day...
"Sixty" will disappear,
We send you best wishes,
For a fabulous year!

Happy 60th Birthday!

Head Cold by Marion Evans

You've got a head-cold?
What a bummer!
This happens in the winter
and rarely in the summer.

You blow, you cough...
and then you sneeze,
Your temperature rises...
and then you freeze.

Do take care,
Dear friend of mine,
Drink lots of fluids
and you'll be fine.

Feel Better Soon!

What do I want for my birthday? by Margaret Jones

Rubies are red
Sapphires are blue
Am I giving
A bit of a clue?

Diamonds are white
Emeralds are green
Now do you get it,
Know what I mean?

I know you're not wealthy
Don't mean to be smart
Just give me the love
That comes from your heart.

Different by Margaret Jones

Roses are green
Daffodils are blue
I like to be different
How about you?

What's the score? by Margaret Jones

United is red
City is blue
What was the score
They tied 2 and 2

What colour? by Margaret Jones

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Mine are pale pink
How about you?

Birthday Flowers by Margaret Jones

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I tried to write
A verse for you

Daffodils are yellow
Buttercups are too
This is the best
That I can do

Have a Happy Birthday, anyway!

Riddle by Margaret Jones

Q. What did the seven-foot tall basketball player say to the two-foot tall leprechaun on his birthday?

A. Happy Birthday, of course

What to Buy? by Margaret Jones

I went to buy a present
To celebrate your day
I went to Farmers' Market
But all they had was hay

I went down to the drugstore
To get you some Old Spice
The clerk was so bad-tempered
She really wasn't nice

I went into the Wal-mart
I thought that I would find
A gift - there were so many
It nearly blew my mind

And then I went to K-Mart
The choices were so many
I walked around for hours
And came out without any

And after all this trouble
Gift-giving is so hard
I finally decided
I'll just give you this card.

What Shall I Give You? by Margaret Jones

Today's your ( ____ th) birthday
I thought i'd send a gift
Something really special
That would give you a lift
I didn't know what to give you
I thought and thought real hard
The thinking blew my brains out
So I'll just send this card

by Margaret Jones

Today's your ( ____ th) birthday
I thought i'd send a gift
Something really special
That would give you a lift
I didn't know what to give you
I thought and thought real hard
The thinking blew my brains out
So I'll just send this card

I Tried To Write a Poem by Margaret Jones

I made for you this lovely card
And tried to write a verse
But all my feeble poems
Just got worse and worse

The more I tried to write one
The cornier they became
So I'll just write, "Happy Birthday"
Followed by your name.

Cheer Up by Margaret Jones

Don't worry,be happy
Things could be worse
You might be the author
Of this lousy verse!

40 again by Diana Parton

They say once your 20 life is good
With years to dance all night
I was 21 a few years ago
but my shoes were just to tight.

At 30 life becomes complete
with lots of loving in it
A husband, child you never know
lets hope the bloke is fit

They say life begins at 40.
I'm not so sure of that
I turned 40 just last year
I went out and bought a cat

now we've reached the golden years
With not a single worry
we'll tell our children what we know
And say we were never sorry.

Christmas cheer by Diana Parton

Christmas is a special time,
It's for hanging up your stocking
For looking through the shops for gifts
To find the prices shocking

Christmas is a time for love
And general peace and laughter
It's times like this the cheer goes out
"I'll start my diet after!"

Card with a Sheep on the front by Margaret Jones

I miss ewe

On a card with chocolate cake on the front by Margaret Jones

Life is short - eat dessert first!

Happy Birthday!

Congratulations on becoming an Electrician by Margaret Jones

Congrats on becoming an Electrician

(I wanted to be one too, but the work was shocking!)

Congratulations on becoming a Chef by Margaret Jones

Congrats on becoming a Chef

(I wanted to be one too, I thought it would add a little spice to my life but found I didn't have the thyme!)

Congratulations on becoming MD by Margaret Jones

Congrats on becoming an MD

(I wanted to be one too, but didn't have the patients!)

Get Well - Someone with a broken leg by Margaret Jones

When they told the actor "Break a Leg"
- they weren't serious!

Hope you're soon up and about again.

Get Well - Someone with Laryngitis by Margaret Jones

Heard you're feeling a little hoarse -
Hope you're soon feeling human again!

Humourous Birthday Greeting by Margaret Jones

As the Frog said to the Rabbit:
"Many Hoppy Returns!"

Humourous Birthday Greeting by Margaret Jones

As the icicle said to the snowflake:

"Happy BRRRRRR-thday!"

Humourous Christmas Verse by Margaret Jones

As the Kangaroo said to the Frog:

"Hoppy Christmas!"

Humourous Christmas Verse by Margaret Jones

As the Cat said to the Dog:

"Meowy Christmas!"

Humourous Christmas Verse by Margaret Jones

As the Salt said to the Pepper:
"Season's Greetings!"

The Artist by Jolis DeAngelis

Halfway through my sketching (or painting or crafting or whatever)
Guilt besieged me.
Being the brave and courageous
Woman (or man) I am,
I valiantly fought off
The Guilts and moved on to
Artistic Victory!

wish you were rich by Jan Barcelo

roses are red
violets are blue
i wish you were rich
so i could sue you !

Back Out! by Jean King

Now don't take this personally, but your coming to an age when your back will go out more than you will....!

OMG - Later's by Jean King

OMG it's your BIRTHDAY,

so have a good one!

Later's

Fun & Beautiful by Jean King

Your fun,
Your Beautiful,
Your well made,
Your tasteful,
Your the best card on the shelf...!

My Christmas wish by Debra Jenkinson

Dear God
here's my Christmas wish list
It is my only one
Easy to fulfil
and thy will be done
A FAT BANK BALANCE
AND A REALLY SLIM ME
I say it loud and clear
So please don't get it muddled
Like you did last year

Sheila M.

Don't be depressed at thirty by Debra Jenkinson

Why be depressed at thirty,
Now you're just reaching your prime'
Just grab life with all that you're worth
Go out and have a good time.
In another ten years you'll be forty,
You're wasting your time if you rue it.
Life's just beginning at forty,
Don't think about doing it, DO IT.
Fifty could be tricky ,
If you let it get you down.
So get yourself some red paint
and go and paint the town.
Sixty just gets better,
You lose your inhibitions.
Who cares what size your bum is,
you've tried all the sex positions.
At seventy, well now's the time
If you want to stay healthy and sane.
Find yourself a toy boy WHOOPEE
and do it all again.

by Sheila M

On a card with a Kleenex Tissue on the front by Margaret Jones

Don't have much money, times are hard
So I've sent you this instead of a card
Christmas cards are a bit of a farce
So I've sent you this to wipe your. . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
GLASS!

Choas, ...... by Elizabeth Redhead

Chaos, panic, disorder ???. my work is done.